We all know that stress is inevitable. And having a few techniques in your back pocket to help you cope when things are genuinely tough is a crucial life skill. But would you believe us if we told you that most of what you’re currently stressing about isn’t stress at all?
It’s true. The vast majority of the things we tie ourselves in knots about — midterms, oversleeping your alarm, or juggling classes, work, and play—are problems of either perception or time management. And that’s good news, because it means that they’re 100% in your control to solve.
In this guide, we’ll dive into how to do just that. Let’s get into it.
Understanding stress
When we talk about things that cause us stress, we’re usually talking about one of three categories:
- Unexpected, life-changing events. This could look like a health scare for yourself or someone you love, the death of someone close to you, a geopolitical issue that touches your life personally, or anything that causes a significant disruption to the normal flow of your life and evokes a profound emotional reaction. These are true stressors—the kind of things you’ll need to lean on your friends, family, and even mental health professionals to help you get through.
- Upcoming responsibilities and commitments. This type of stress is usually a result of an overpacked (or poorly maintained) schedule—think cramming for finals, juggling a project due the Monday after you’ve been out of town, or budgeting for a sibling’s upcoming wedding. Typically, the anxiety this type of stress causes can be remedied through improved time management.
- Routine events. Finding a date for your fraternity formal, keeping on top of chores like laundry or cleaning, paying bills, and someone unfollowing you on Instagram—these are all things that can cause you to feel stressed, but only if you let them. Resolving this kind of stress is about shifting your perspective from negative to a positive frame of mind.
The true nature of the vast majority of what stresses us out falls into categories two and three. In other words, we’re letting things that are simply perceived as being stressful derail our days, months, or even years. This is why it’s so important to have a system in place for taking stock of what’s on your plate and on your mind. Once you separate out the true stress from the things that you’re assigning unnecessary stress to, you can begin to minimize the overall toll stress is taking on your life.
Creating a stress scale
Getting a clear picture of both what is stressing you out and the true nature of that stress can be immensely helpful for reducing stress in the moment. It can also help set you up to avoid stress as much as possible in the future.
At College Works, we use a stress ranking scale of 0 (no stress) to 100 (extremely stressful and potentially problematic). Here’s an example of what a stress scale might look like.
| Stress ranking | Stressor | Type of stress |
|---|---|---|
| 100 | Death of a loved one | Real stress |
| 90 | Breakup | Real stress |
| 80 | Car broke down | Real stress |
| 70 | Failed a test | Time management |
| 60 | Midterms approaching quickly | Perspective |
| 50 | Trouble with your boss | Perspective |
| 40 | Sibling’s upcoming wedding | Perspective / Time management |
| 30 | Planning a fundraiser | Perspective / Time management |
| 20 | Struggling to find time to go to the gym | Time management |
| 10 | Comparing yourself to others on social media | Perspective |
| 0 | Going to the lake with your friends | Time management |
Ready to get a handle on what’s stressing you out?
Download our Stress Scale Worksheet for a blank version of this table.
Tools for minimizing stress
The purpose of the exercise you should’ve just completed is to help you control your stress level by putting it into perspective. Day-to-day events like juggling class, work, and social commitments, working on a term paper, or dealing with an unexpected bill are like anxiety-tipped arrows. With the right approach to time management and a positive attitude, they shouldn’t derail your day from its pre-planned course.
Here are our tips for reigning in stress when you feel it coming on:
- When you feel stressed out, take a deep breath, slow down, and analyze the situation.
- Ask yourself if what you’re experiencing is life-or-death (true stress) or if it is something less important (a problem of time management or perspective), and do your best to be objective in your answer.
- If it is something truly serious, ask yourself if you’re seeking out the right resources for survival, counseling, and healing. If you aren’t, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. (There’s no shame in doing so!)
- If, after taking a few deep breaths and gaining some perspective, you determine the stressful event is not really that serious, find a way to solve it. Then, move on.
- If it’s something that can’t be solved (a roommate’s annoying habits, for example), find a way to just let it go.
After you’ve brought your stress down to a manageable level, try to see if you can learn something from whatever was stressing you out. Is there something you can take away from the experience? Is there a way to possibly prevent something similar from happening in the future? Looking for the lesson—focusing on what you can learn in traumatic situations—can actually relieve stress going forward.
Gaining perspective on your stress levels, their causes, and how much energy you should devote to your stressors can remove so much unnecessary anxiety from your daily life. By training yourself using the tools we’ve given you here, you can prevent stress spirals before they happen—and become much more effective in every facet of life.
While some stress can be managed on your own, know that seeking professional help is never a bad idea. If you’re struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out to a hotline or find a therapist near you.